Why Coaching Clients Give Up -
And How Effective Goal Setting Can Make a Positive Difference
By: Marshall Goldsmith and Kelly Goldsmith
Originally published in the November 2005 Issue of Link &
Learn. 

(Published in Coaching for Leadership, Volume II, M. Goldsmith and L.
Lyons, editors, Wiley, 2005)
A review of research on goal-setting has helped us better understand two key
areas of concern for leadership coaches: 1. Why people give up on goals and 2.
How effective goal-setting can help ensure long-term goal achievement. An
understanding of the dynamics of goal-setting and goal achievement may help
coaches understand why their clients sometimes lose motivation and how they, as
advisors in goal-setting, can increase the odds that their clients will "stick
with the plan" and reach desired targets.
Why do people so frequently give up in their quest for personal improvement?
Most of us understand that "New Year's resolutions" seldom last through January
- much less for the entire year! What goes wrong?
Six of the most important reasons that people give up on goals are listed
below. Following each reason will be a discussion of implications for
leadership coaches and ideas for "preventative medicine" in planning - so that
clients will ultimately be more likely to achieve their change objectives.
Ownership 1
I wasn't sure that this coaching idea would work in the first place. I tried it
out - it didn't do that much good. As I guessed, this was kind of a waste of
time!
One of the biggest mistakes in all of leadership development is the roll-out of
programs and initiatives with the promise that "this will make you
better". A classic example is the performance appraisal process. Many companies
change their performance appraisal forms on a regular basis. How much good does
this usually do? None! These appraisal form changes just confuse leaders and
are seen as annual exercises in futility. What companies don't want to face is
the real problem - it is seldom the form - the real problem is the managers who
lack either the courage or the discipline to make the appraisal process work.
The problem with the "this will make you better" approach is that the emphasis
is on the "this" and not the "you". Coaching clients need to understand that
ultimately only you can make you better.
Successful people tend to have a high need for self-determination. In other
words, the more that leaders commit to coaching and behavior change because they
believe in the process, the more the process is likely to work. The more they
feel that the process is being imposed upon them or that they are just casually
"trying it out" - the less likely the coaching process is to work.
Coaches and companies that have the greatest success in helping leaders achieve
long-term change have learned a great lesson - don't work with leaders who
don't "buy in" to the process2. As coaches, we need to have the
courage to test our client's commitment to change. If clients are just "playing
a game" with no clear commitment, we need to be willing to stop the process -
for the good of the company and for the good of the coaching profession.
In goal-setting coaches need to ensure that the change objectives come from
"inside" the person being coached and are not just externally imposed with no
clear internal commitment. Coaches need to let clients know that they are
ultimately responsible for their own lives. As coaches we need to make it clear
that we are there to help our clients do the work - not to do the work for our
clients.
Time
I had no idea that this process would take so long. I am not sure that it is
worth it!
Goal-setters have a natural tendency to underestimate the time needed to reach
targets. Everything seems to take longer than we think it should! When the time
elapsed in working toward our goal starts exceeding expectations, we are
tempted to just give up on the goal. Busy, impatient leaders can be even more
time-sensitive than the general population.
While the "optimism bias" about time is true of goal-setters in general, it may
be even more of a factor for leaders who are trying to change the perceptions
of co-workers. In general, our behavior changes long before the perception
of this change by our co-workers3 . We all tend to see people in a
manner that is consistent with our previous stereotype - and we "look" for
behavior that proves our stereotype is correct. Co-workers are no different
than anyone else. Recent research shows that the long-term follow-up and
involvement of co-workers tends to be highly correlated with changed
perceptions of leaders4 . This is not something that is accomplished
overnight. Harried executives often want to "check the box" and assume that
once they understand what to do - and communicate this understanding to others
- their problems are solved. If only the real world were that simple.
In setting goals with leaders it is important to be realistic about the time
needed for them to produce a positive, long-term change in behavior. Habits
that have taken 48 years to develop will not go away in a week. Let them know
that others' perceptions may seem "unfair" and that as they change behavior -
others may not fully recognize this change for months. In this way when they
face time challenges they will not feel like there is something "wrong" with
them or with their co-workers. They will realize that this is a normal part of
the change process. Ultimately, as the research shows, perceptions will begin
to change and co-workers will begin to appreciate changed leadership behavior.
Difficulty
This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It sounded so simple when we
were starting out!
The optimism bias of goal-setters applies to difficulty as well as time. Not
only does everything take longer than we think it will - it requires more hard
work! Leaders often confuse two terms that appear to be synonymous - but are
actually quite different - simple and easy. We want to believe
that once we understand a simple concept, it will be easy to execute a plan and
achieve results. If this were true everyone who understood that they should eat
a healthy diet and exercise regularly would be in shape. Diet books are almost
always at the top of the best seller lists. Our challenge for getting in shape
- as well as for changing leadership behavior - is not understanding, it
is doing!
Long-term change in leadership effectiveness requires real effort. For example,
it can be challenging for busy, opinionated leaders to have the discipline to
stop, breathe and listen patiently while others say things that they may not
want to hear. While the leader may understand the need to change - and even
have a great desire to change - it is still hard to have the discipline to
change.
In setting goals it is important that leaders realize that real change will
take real work. Making client's feel good in the short-term with statements
like "this will be easy" and "this will be no problem for you" can backfire in
the long-term when they realize that change is not easy and that they will
invariably face some problems in their journey toward improvement. Letting
leaders clearly understand the price for success in the beginning of the change
process will help prevent disappointment that can occur when challenges arise
later in the change process.
Distractions
I would really like to work toward my goal, but my company is facing a unique
challenge right now. It might be better if I just stopped and did this at a
time when things weren't so crazy.
Goal setters have a tendency to underestimate the distractions and competing
goals that will invariably appear throughout the year. One good counsel that a
coach can give an executive is, "I am not sure what crisis will appear - but I
am almost positive that some crisis will appear!"
In some cases, the distraction or crisis may result from a problem - in other
cases it may result from an opportunity. For example, mad cow disease was an
unexpected problem that produced a crisis for executives in the meat packing
industry. It is hard to focus on long-term leadership development when the
company is going through an immediate financial crisis! On the positive side,
"Cabbage Patch Kids" became a craze and the company started selling far more
dolls than anyone imagined. It is hard to focus on long-term leadership
development when your toy company has a "once-in-lifetime" short-term profit
opportunity!
In planning for the future, coaches need to help executives assume that
unexpected distractions and competing goals will occur. Build in time in change
projections to "expect the unexpected". By planning for distractions in
advance, leaders can set realistic expectations for change and be less likely
to give up on the change process - when either special problems or special
opportunities emerge.
Rewards
Why am I working so hard at becoming a more effective leader? After all of my
effort - we still didn't make any more money this year!
Goal setters tend to become disappointed when the achievement of one goal
doesn't immediately translate into the achievement of other goals. For example,
a dieter who loses weight may give up on his weight loss effort when women
don't immediately begin to love him.
Hewitt Associates has done some fascinating research that documents the
positive, long-term relationship between investment in leadership development
and long-term financial success5 . Their research shows that
companies who invest in developing leaders tend to have greater long-term
profits. There is no research that shows investment in developing leaders
produces greater short-term profits.
Increasing leadership effectiveness is only one factor in an organization's
overall success. For example, a company may have the wrong strategy or be
selling the wrong product. If someone is going down the wrong road - increasing
people management skills will only help them get there faster!
Leaders need to personally "buy in" to the value of a long-term investment in
their own development. If coaching clients think that improving leadership
skills will quickly lead to short-term profits, promotions or recognition -
they may be disappointed and may give up when these benefits don't immediately
happen. If coaching clients see the change process as a long-term investment in
own development - and something that will help them become more effective over
the course of their careers - they will be much more likely to "pay the price"
needed to achieve success.
Maintenance
I think that I did actually get better when I had a coach, but I have let it
slide since then. What am I supposed to do - work on this stuff the rest of my
life?
Once a goal-setter has put in all of the effort needed to achieve a goal, it
can be tough to face the reality of maintaining changed behavior. One of the
first reactions of many dieters upon reaching their weight goal is to think,
"This is great! Now I can start eating again. Let's celebrate with some pizza
and beer!" Of course this mind-set leads to future weight gain and the "yo-yo"
effect that is unfortunately so common in dieters.
Coaching clients need to clearly understand - leadership is a process -
not a state. Leaders can never "get there". Leaders are always "getting
there". The only way that exercise helps people stay in shape is when they face
the reality that "I have to work on this stuff for the rest of my life!"
Leaders need to accept that leadership development is an ongoing process that
never stops. Leadership involves relationships - relationships change and
people change - maintaining any positive relationship requires ongoing effort
over a long period of time. It doesn't occur because someone "got better" and
stayed in this state of "betterness" forever.
In summary
Coaches can either help leaders set goals that increase their probability of
long-term change, or help leaders set goals that may feel good in the
short-term - but lead to disillusionment and "giving up" in the long-term.
The typical advertisement or "infomercial" - designed to help people "get in
shape" - provides a great example of what not to do in goal-setting. The
message is almost always the same, "For an 'incredibly small' amount of money -
you can buy a 'revolutionary' product - that is 'unbelievably easy' and 'fun to
use'. This product will produce 'amazing results' 'in almost no time' and you
will 'have the body that you always wanted'." Most infomercials imply that you
will not have to continue exercising and diet for years and that you will
continue to look good.
In reality there is no "easy answer" - real change requires real effort. The
"quick fix" is seldom a "meaningful fix". Distractions and competing responses
are going to happen - and the higher level the executive - the more likely that
they will happen. Improving leadership skills - like getting in shape - won't
solve all of life's problems. And finally great leadership is something that
leaders need to commit to for the rest of their careers - at least if they
really want to be great!
All of these messages may sound "tough", but at least they are real. Successful
people are not afraid of challenging goals. In fact - clear, specific goals
that produce a lot of challenge - tend to produce the best results!
Coaches that have the courage to tell the truth "up-front" and challenge
leaders in goal-setting can go beyond being "highly paid friends". Honest,
challenging coaches can help leaders make a real difference - both in their
organizations and in the lives of the people they lead.
*******************
1For a greater elaboration on this theme read "it's not about the
Coach" by M. Goldsmith in Fast Company, October, 2004.
2For an excellent example read, "Leveraging HR: How to develop
Leaders in 'Real Time" by Linda Sharkey (of GE Financial Services) in Human
Resources in the 21st Century, M. Effron, R. Gandossy and M. Goldsmith,
eds., Wiley, 2003.
3For a dialogue on this see, "Behave Yourself: A Conversation with
Executive Coach Marshall Goldsmith in the Harvard Business Review,
October 1, 2002.
4"Leadership is a contact Sport" by M. Goldsmith and H. Morgan, strategy+business,
Fall 2004.
5 This research is summarized in Leading the Way, by R.
Gandossy and M. Effron, Wiley, 2003.
###
About the Authors
Marshall Goldsmith has recently been named by the American Management
Association as one of the 50 great thinkers and leaders who have impacted the
field of management over the past 80 years. Dr. Goldsmith has a Ph.D. from
UCLA. He has been asked to teach in the executive education programs at
Dartmouth, Michigan, MIT, Wharton, Oxford and Cambridge Universities. Marshall
is the co-author or editor of 19 books including: The Leader of the Future (a
Business Week best seller), Global Leadership: The Next Generation and The Art
and Practice of Leadership Coaching.
Marshall Goldsmith will co-host Advanced Coaching: Masterful Coaching of Senior
Leaders and Leadership Teams with Phil Harkins, President and CEO of Linkage,
Inc. in Atlanta, GA on December 14-15.
Kelly Goldsmith is currently a Ph.D. candidate in behavioral marketing at the
Yale University School of Management. She is also conducting research for
Yale's Center for Consumer Insights. Kelly is an honors graduate from Duke
University, where she majored in sociology - with a certificate in markets and
management. While at Duke, Kelly designed and taught a course in "Gender and
the Media" and was a market research analyst for an international cosmetics
company. After graduating from Duke, she was a contestant on the nationally
televised Survivor Africa. She then worked for the creators of Survivor, Mark
Burnett Productions, and was a casting associate for both Survivor and The
Amazing Race.
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